“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.” ~ J.R.R. Tolkein
It’s been awhile since I’ve written here. I’ve just had so much on my mind and trying to organize it and get it typed out has been difficult. It was actually quite overwhelming so I kept putting it off. That and the fact that I’ve been so busy socializing and doing school work. But now I have decided that I am ready to write again and I honestly have been anticipating this all day. I just decided I was in such a good mind-set and I told myself I’m going to do this!
So here we are. I’ve finally decided I’m at such a good place in my life right now. I can’t remember a time I was this happy. I’m sure there was some time in my life where I was happy like I am now. But I feel like I spent a majority of high school unhappy and even if I was happy for a little while it was overshadowed by the unhappiness and didn’t last for long. I’m in such a different environment now and there isn’t anything right now to take away from my happiness. Knowing that and how happy I am just makes me so much happier. I really didn’t think this was a possible state for me and I honestly cannot tell you how I came to this point. I don’t know how I was able to deal with everything I went through this summer leading up to college with a positive outlook and an open mind but I did and that has made all the difference.
I knew no one at this school and that worried me a little and excited me. I was afraid I was going to be alone a lot. I knew I would find people to talk to but I was worried I wouldn’t find people to hang out with; that I wouldn’t find my niche. I was excited because I had nothing connecting me to home. I could be anyone. I definitely opened up. I have no reserve when talking to people. I feel so free and I feel like I can be MYSELF. I think that’s what contributes so much to my happiness. I’m meeting so many great people. (and great guys). I finally know what it’s like to hang out with guys ad not have to like them and be physically attracted to them.
I feel like it’s a community here. I walk to class and I see people I know and I just say hi and it makes me feel good. I walk into my building and I see people I know and I just stop and talk. I feel so at home. Even more than in my hometown. I mean I feel at home with my family and of course my friends but that’s like 10 people out of the hundreds. Here it’s so many more. I also feel like there is so much to immerse myself with between classes, clubs, other activities, and friends. There’s no time for me to bored. Every minute I spend in my dorm I feel like I’m missing so much so I try not to be in my dorm as much as possible.
I think the things I’ve dealt with have allowed me to liberate myself in college. I’ve held on to probably four friendships from high school so far. Those will be my close friends at home and I’m sure I’ll see other people but I know the people who will make me happy and I’m going to keep them close because this is such a good feeling. It really is a natural high and I never want to come back down. I’m just living one moment to the next and enjoying everything. The times I spend alone in my dorm, the times I spend with my friends here, the times I spend talking to my friends back home, the times in class, and the times in between class. I have embraced every situation I’ve been given.