The Heart Grows

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ~Lao Tzu

I found this quote today and realized how true it was. It has been a month and a half since I’ve lost my best friend. I’m not good with dealing with pain and my emotions, I never have been. I always just let them flow out of me. I have always lacked strength. I guess this quote was the trigger that told me what I needed to hear. The relationship was only one-sided, at least for the greater part of it. I loved her and would have done anything for her. I realize that she did give me courage, I felt like there was so much more I was willing to do if she was there. I thought I felt a strength as well but I now realize that was only me leaning on her for support. I was unable to deal with situations on my own, I required her guidance.

I thought that made our relationship strong, the fact that we both leaned on on another and counted on each other. But really, it showed a flaw in our friendship. She was the strong one, I had nothing. I may be one of the strongest people I know for dealing with everything I have been dealt and making it through everything without letting the world see my pain, but I think my weakness in that relationship nullifies it all. I still wish we could be friends but I know the chances of that are unlikely. I wish things could be different but I know they won’t be. It hurts everyday, some days more than others. The pain will never leave, she was my best friend plain and simple, but I have learned to be happy despite it all and each day with a smile on my face. I refuse to let my past cloud my future. Someday I will be strong in every way. Someday I will have a love that gives me both strength and courage.

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About lifeisntaparagraph

I am a freshman at Towson University. I am a math major. I love to dance, read, and travel. I have two sisters, a dog, and two cats.
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One Response to The Heart Grows

  1. Devina Harnita says:

    Aww Jessica! You’re the strongest person I know to have dealt with so many things in the past couple of months. People come and go but those who stay should not be taken for granted. You have everything, brain beauty and bravery. hang in there 🙂

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