The glass is completely full

“When you walk with purpose, you collide with destiny” ~ Bertice Berry

So right now it’s kinda hard finding time to post here because I am just so busy but I’m going to try to catch up on everything that’s been happening. This orientation experience has been pretty eye-opening. Not only do I now feel like I belong at this school but I feel like I have a purpose. We have heard speakers and have done various activities that moved me. The one guest speaker gave us so much insight. I got the quote above from her. She told us that we all have a purpose in life and we can all achieve great things. But that definition of great doesn’t always remain the same. But basically she told us that that quote means that when you know that you were put on this earth for a reason, then you will find that reason and things will end up alright in the end.

I’ve also made a lot of great friends. I was a little worried about that but I think knowing that no one here knows me has allowed me to put myself out there a lot more. I’m just worried about maintaining friendships. I guess as long as I stay in touch with them I’m okay because I’m not the person who needs a lot of friends and the ones back home are the most important to me.

Classes start tomorrow and I’m a little nervous about finding my way. I went to a HUGE high school but this is still so different because every class is in a different building. I’m also worried about the strictness of the teachers. I just got a syllabus for English and he doesn’t excuse being late. That might be a problem since I have 10 minutes to get there some days from the opposite side of campus. But hopefully if I talk to him he’ll understand.

I’m starting to miss the comfort of home. I love it here, but no one knows me and I know no one. That is nice knowing you can be whoever you want but I also like to be with people who get me sometimes. Meeting these new people, I can’t help but think will there ever come a time when I can be myself. I’m starting to worry about my former best friend. I never imagined going off to college without her and while I’m dealing just fine, I miss her and really wish she was there for me to talk to.

I’m having a difficult time dealing with not having my space. I’m a kind of person who needs space to breathe sometimes and you don’t really get that with college. I feel like I don’t have a place to go to just let go. I mean I guess my room if my roommate’s not in, but I never know when she’s going to come back. I’ve never been one who has been good with the whole glass half full, glass half empty thing. Some people say I’m negative and pessimistic, but I try so hard to stay positive and optimistic. Sometimes when life gives you every reason to cry, it’s hard to maintain that, so I seem negative but I really think I’m just a realist. I mean I’m a math major, I see things for what they are. So I’m just going to stick with the fact that the glass is completely full, half water, half air.

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People and Places

“I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then” ~ Lewis Carroll

So I have time now before I have to be at orientation so I guess now would be a good time to write more about yesterday. I met my roommate for the first time even though I did get a sense of what she was like through texting her. Though I try very hard not to judge people, I can already tell this is going to be an interesting year. I am the whitest white girl rooming with the blackest black girl… Me of all people.

I was so nervous about the whole roommate situation and with something like this happening, but now that it’s actually happened, I don’t think I really mind. I guess I’m kinda just in that mindset where I will accept everything and go out and meet new people even if I may not see myself being friends with them or they’re not the typical people I would be friends with. I will never know unless I actually test the waters. So I’m going to be open about this whole roommate thing and at least try to get along. (Because I really don’t want the hassle of changing rooms.)

Each day, I am changing. Not completely who I am, but I am growing up and learning. I learn something new everyday and that helps push me forward and gives me what I need to move on. This is just another chapter in the book that makes up my life.

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Welcome to Towson

“Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know” ~ Mitch Albom

So this entry is going to be kinda short because it has been a long day and I have to be up early tomorrow. But I moved in today!!! I still hasn’t sunken in that I said goodbye to my parents and won’t be seeing them for a month and a half. It’s so weird!

But anyway, I have met a lot of great people today. Some I may never see again and others may become my best friend in the future. Regardless, I need to go into this experience wanting to meet everyone. I was so tired today and wanted to go to sleep at like 6 but here I am at 12:30 writing on here because I just got back. People were out doing things so I went with them to “put myself out there” as my parents like to say. Everyone here is a stranger to me but doesn’t mean it will be that way forever or even all that much longer.

I’ll check back in tomorrow when I’m rested with more about my experiences but for now I am going to get some much needed rest!

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Goodbye Pennsylvania, Hello Maryland

“I don’t know where I am going, but I am on my way” ~ Voltaire

So I am leaving for Towson in just under 11 hours. I feel so many emotions right now. I am excited and scared and nervous and worried. The whole experience is just exhilarating.

I don’t know all that much about where I am about to call home. It’s so weird because the last time I remember moving, I just moved across the street. Now I’m moving to another state.

I’ve just finished packing and you would think after taking so much time packing everything up that you would want it to stay packed. But it’s actually quite the contrary in this situation. I am so ready to unpack everything again and start organizing my new room and actually my new home. It’s crazy that I’m soon going to be living in one room; the area I sleep in will be all that there is.

I really don’t know what to expect when I get there or even what I want to get from my experience there. I just know that I am on my way to a new experience and that is all I can ask for. I need to put my all into this experience because I no longer have my parents guiding me every step of the way and giving me advice 24/7 on the best way to handle a situation. I need to use what I have learned growing up to make the wisest decisions and if they aren’t always the wisest decisions, because they can’t always be, then I will learn. I have sat through a lot of my parents lectures this summer about putting myself out there and saving money and all of the other things people tell you when you go out on your own. While I hated listening week after week to all of this, I’m actually really glad that they did. They really hammered it into my brain and I know now when I go to the mall and see a cute dress I like, I will look at the price tag and then look at the dress again and ask myself: Do I really need to spend the money on this? 9 times out of 10 the answer will be “no” that 1 time out of 10 will be me treating myself. Of course given that I have a job at the time.

But going to Towson, I do expect to embrace all of my passions and continue with them, but I also hope to find new ones. I want to embrace every situation I’m given. I’m not normally an optimistic or positive person, but I am learning to be. I am learning that you just need to keep going even if you don’t know where that is. You can’t stop just because something got in your way. Everyone has obstacles, some people’s are bigger than others, but we all just have to keep going and keep pushing and one day we will be where we were meant to be.

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Saying Goodbye

“In the end you can’t always choose what to keep. You can only choose how you let it go.” ~ Ally Condie

This summer has taught me a lot about letting go. I’ve never been good with losing things close to me. Then again I doubt there are many people out there who are. College is a big step in a person’s life. You are going from walking down the hall in school and seeing all of your friends to being miles and miles away from them. Each person is now living in their own world.

Tonight, I just got back from my friend’s house. She leaves tomorrow so she had everyone who was still at home over to just hang out and say goodbye. I’m usually a really emotional person and I thought leaving for college would be something I could never handle but surprisingly I haven’t cried once when saying goodbye to people. I have strengthened relationships important to me to the point where I don’t need to be upset about leaving them physically for a couple months at a time. I mean in this day and age, technology makes it so easy to keep in touch between texting, facebook, and skype, you cant miss people too much. But watching other people get emotional made me feel like something was wrong with me that I wasn’t getting emotional. I mean me of all people. The one who cried herself to sleep the nights before graduation because I didn’t want to leave my friends. I guess I’ve just learned how to take a better hold on my life and learned to choose the way I let things go.

The girls house I went to tonight was my best friend up until about a week ago. I didn’t get to choose loosing her but I did choose how I handled it. That has made all the difference in my state-of-mind with leaving her behind and entering college. I chose to forget about her for awhile and do my own thing. And sure right now things are hard and really awkward and tense but I know that there is this whole road ahead of me and I can’t let this hinder it. I really want her to be in my life but I know right now that’s not for the best so instead of brooding over it and letting my emotions block my path. I decided to embrace this as a learning experience. I hope she is using this in the same way. I think if we are truly important to each other and an important part in each others’ lives, then we won’t truly be gone. It will just be a little hiatus. It hurts everyday loosing her but I know I’m making the right choice in how I handle this for both of us and everyday dealing gets a little easier. We are both off this weekend to accomplish big things.

Dealing with this loss has also helped me to see the other great friendships I had in my life. I guess I was so blinded by the friendship I had with her that I didn’t see the amazing people beside me the whole time and supporting me through it all. It offered me the opportunity to make sure I maintained those relationships because in the end they were what got me through the day. We’ve all said our goodbyes but we know they’re not forever.

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Life’s not a paragraph

“life’s not a paragraph and death i think is no parenthesis”         ~ e.e. cummings

Two days until I move in as a freshman at Towson University (it is located about 15 minutes north of Baltimore for anyone unfamiliar with the school). It will be the first time I am living in another state or even another city. I have grown up in the same area my whole life and always 10 minutes away from any of my friends. I will also be living on my own and away from my parents for the first time as I’m sure is the case for most. This whole experience couldn’t come at a more opportune time; while I will miss all of my friends at home, I need to break away from my town for a little while.

They say there comes a time in your life when you realize the people who were never really there, the people who were just along for the ride, and those who were always there and always will be. This summer, the summer right before college, has showed me that. I found my true friends and the ones that when I tell them we’ll keep in touch, I can actually mean it. I lost one of my best friends this summer and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I still haven’t come to terms with the fact that her friendship may actually be gone. I don’t think that’s something either of us really want, but for now it’s too hard for either of us to be anything else. We both need to separate from each other for awhile and experience what life has to offer. Maybe in the future we’ll come back to each other and our friendship will be as strong as it was before but until then I’m going to live my life to the fullest. I have an opportunity ahead of me where I can be whoever and whatever I want. There aren’t many chances in life for that.

I love to read and get lost in a good book. Before I met this friend, I would live my life vicariously through the many adventures of the characters in my favorite books. It’s sad to say but I didn’t have much of a social life. She taught me how to live my life; she taught me that life isn’t meant to be lived through books. You have to get out there and have your own experiences. Through her, I learned that life isn’t a paragraph.

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